Up the French, right up.

[RUMPLESTILTSKIN]

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'


You could have
heard a pin drop.

[ShrewsX]

On a similar topic... this is a (supposed) true story from the world of Air Traffic Control.

To set the scene, A British Airways flight from Heathrow (using the callsign Speedbird 128) has landed at Frankfurt during a busy period. The ground controller (using the callsign "Frankfurt ground" is directing the aircraft around the busy tarmac. The BA flight comes to a halt at the end of the runway, and just stops. This is the conversation...

Frankfurt - "Speedbird 128, did you get my message. Taxy to parking... stand 32 right, follow Taxyway Alpha, to point foxtrot, then right turn to the Apron".

There is no answer
"Speedbird 128, I SAY AGAIN. taxy immediately to stand 32R"

There is no answer. Frankfurt Ground begins to panic, as aircraft are approaching to land
"You are blocking an active runway. Exit runway immediately"

Finally, in a clear British accent, the BA flight replies.
"Oh very sorry sir, we were studying our charts for the route to stand 32Right".

The (Now irate German controller snaps back)
"Speedbird... have you never been to Frankfurt before???"
The BA flight replies, in a totally calm English accent.
"Actually sir, I was here twice in 1945... but it was very dark and we didn't land"

[DarloOnTheUp]

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'


You could have
heard a pin drop.

Genius

[mikkyx]

This is based on an actual radio conversation (except it so isn't, but it's still hilarious) between a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[Darlo_H]

Might as well as one to this!

Apparently a notoriously hostile journalist was doing a radio interview with a Marine commander, in which she claimed that in training young soldiers to fight, they were equipping them with all the potential to become killers when they had left the service.

The Marine instantly replied 'Well you have the potential to be a prostitute, it doesn't mean you are does it?'

[ShrewsX]

Another one from the world of ATC

Continental Airways flight 752 is off the coast of Bristol, on a flight into Gatwick Airport, and cruising at 32000 feet, when London Area Control Centre gets on the radio.

LACC - "Continental 752, you are approaching a residential area with strict noise restrictions in place. To avoid, turn left heading 140degrees"

There is a long pause

Continental 752 - "Message understood London, but err... we are currently in the cruise, 32000ft above the ground, err... how much noise can the folks down there be hearing from us?"

LACC - "Continental 752... Have you ever heard the noise a modern Airliner makes when it smashes into another one at a combined speed of 800mph?"

Instantly, the pilot responds, in a near panic
"TURNING LEFT, HEADING ONE FOUR ZERO"

[grytters]

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'


You could have
heard a pin drop.

Get the story right won't you?

In 1966 France withdrew from NATO, and de Gaulle ordered that "all American troops must withdraw from France".

An incandescent Dean Rusk, Secretary of State flew to Paris for clarification.

"Does that", he asked de Gaulle, "include the ones that are buried there?"